Easter Service/Movie
Well, I am still here, only by the grace of God... My muscles have kinda just atrified from laying in bed so much. I am under so much stress, I feel completley overwelmed. Anyway, I stayed up all night Saturday and then went to Easter Services at St. Alban's Episcopal, it is the little church right down the street. They have a new pastor since we were there last. I really like him, hes an older fellow and he was wearing bunny ears during the service. I liked the service a lot, the new pastor (his name is Peter) was very jubalent.. not boring at all.. (he made sure we all said (Alleluia) about 20 times.) I mean, the service wasnt stuffy at all.. paul said he didnt like it..... When the pastor stood at the door as we were all leaving, (we introduced ourselves) he hugged me out of nowhere! then he happily shook Paul's hand and said (oh we have two aposles here) Peter and Paul..
So, basically that was cool, except I came back and burned myself--You know it is really myself that i am angry with--not about the breakup but about my inability to socialize. Socializing in a group is one of the hardest things on this planet for me to do. St. Alban's is an extremely small church--there are still many chances to volunteer there--to go there in the morning and pray--to have coffee with the other members (i would like to do that) but it is so very terrifying. That is basically why i burned myself... pissed off with myself.. I was thinking if i could just go there and socialize maybe Paul wouldnt wanna dump me--(again another its all my fault about the breakup deal)
But, in the episcopal church in Memphis that i was in for some many years.. it brings back hard memories and sad memories.. That church was nothing like St Albans. It was a horrible place.. A place made up of the VERY VERY RICH.. There was no room for social mistakes.. there was no room for your dress to be ugly or your hair to be out of place. There was no happy singing and rejoicing for easter. (it was only oppressive and stuffy) and many times was I hurt there, by an unfeeling adult or teenager. I suppose that is what causes some of my fear of socialization at this church...
Well, i am starting to feel bad physicallly ( having to work on that Southern Charms page is a huge job) I havent even gotten close to doing what i need to do for today TO MAKE THAT MONEY!!!
Anyway, I have a video here,,, If you watch U can tell what its about---
