This womans so-called life

my black eye.. yeah like big deal

 
this is not what i wanted to post. i have a fucking video of my very first dermal punch and thats what i wanted to post.

this is just the first black eye that ive ever gotten from an eyebrow piercing and ive been doing this for eleven years. its black cause it was such a huge gauge. as soon as God stops punishing me with lightning bolts and well migranes that are debilitated. headaches everyday. there is no break. anxiety attacks every day and there is no break.

my life is in ruins at the moment. But God isnt gonna stop me from being a total bald headed freak. i just have to be patient and let the headaches pass. i dont know its all a nightmare.

 i know people only get on here because of the naked pic i have. except for my one fan paul.. thank you paul!

 ive always pierced because my mom died. the physical pain helped the emotional pain, and cause i need the attention. im a sack of shit without the piercings.

 i sit and watch mel gibsons the passion of the christ on a little portable dvd player that i bought when paul-my ex boyfriend and I went to a haunted hotel to ghost hunt. they didnt have a tv so i went to wal-mart to buy it. i sit with it on my lap and cry and ask why god is punishing me so.

sometimes i feel like jesus got what he deserved when i see him being whipped and the really gross part where his skin comes off. jesus only had to suffer that once. i bet he never had bad teeth. which i have. i might lose my two front teeth and im finding out about that this week. i bet jesus never had a headache or a paniac attack or his heart racing in his entire 33 years. jesus had a full life. he wasnt sitting in bed watching sanford and son every fucking day. he didnt have two trees fall on his house and it cost 2 grand to fix. he didnt feel nausated every night and he had a mother too.

 and why as stupid as it sounds and as many times as ive said it does my sacrifices of pain do they not work to bring my mother back. yeah i know that sounds crazy but i was a cutter and a hitter and i spilled gallons of blood for her. and not but only once has she come in a dream to me. in eleven years. im sick and i am her child and i need her.

i got an evp at the hotel of what is very possible my dad. who could maybe be an earthbound spirit, maybe i can just delude myself enough to think that he loved me enough to stay around. the evp said i miss you poo poo.. very weird cause poo poo was my  nickname when i was a child. it was very clear, so i dont know.

and another thing i have to say for the facebook people. im not gonna trash you even though i want to, but i realize that the piercing video of my dermal punch which i put up there makes no difference to you and i make no difference to you. but just to let you know i have been cursed by God and am deathly ill. piercing is all i have and if you dont pay attention to it than yeah fuck you. other people have their kids. other people have all kinds of things, but i dont. and it hurts the fuck out of me that nobody cares about the pain i do to myself. it still hurts though, you know and its done for a reason.

well i better save this before my computer fucks up.. this isnt all i had to say. no i have something else to say, somebody just broke my heart and i dont think they ment to, but it hurts bad. makes me wanna hurt myself almost. like i said i posted my dermal punch video to facebook. and a guy ive been talking to just put a comment on it. he said,"i doesnt look like it was at bad as i thought it would be" that is devestating. so that means the pain i go through is for no reason. it was discusting. there was a piece of skin pulled out of it for gods sake. i feel like ive just been punched in the stomach. its three am and i cant go to bed. is it only one guys opinion? or is it that really how it is. not that bad. i need it to be bad. i need it to be disgusting. for my mom, for shock value, for attention. i dont think much could hurt worse than this. if someone would just say its discustiing, its shocking, its painful. please let it just be the opinion of one guy. please let it be gross and shocking. ow, i cant take this

See, Anna get poked at the corner of Height and Ashbury!

Anna and her possibly ex boyfriend were leaving grace cathedral after a lovely christmas concert in San Francisco. Anna wanted the ring iin the middle of her lip changed to the side, so they did. It was Dec 15, 2006, it must mark my at least 50th piercing... ya know..

FUCK...CONCERT and "Babba"

location: should be in bed.

mood: bitchy

music: something

So as usual its 5 am and i can't sleep.. duh.. wow, i just had to go and do it didnt I. Yep, seeing Hollen's page on myspace was beyond infuriating, so I thought how bought look for good ol Neely... And wow, I found her.... http://www.myspace.com/neelinator Oh god, that is such a catchy name.. (rolls eyes) so, i sent her a little note just to say hi.. honestly, it wasn't mean. But, i swear it does hurt. At least she is still single (god i wonder if she is still a virgin) or was she. don't remember.. she's 31! (YO! chris, if i ever hear from U again.. U two could work) Her mom is still alive, looks like she still doesn't work (she never has in her life) cause she diabetes.. Lets see i guess we were friends oh man maybe 3 or 4 years... The skank came to my mom's funeral. sat there in the pew just crying, while i basically glared at her. (cute crocodile tears)



Man, it has been a time for hurt feelings these past few weeks, yeah, i still burn the way they treated me on the depression board, i don't like to admit it but i do. And the nice little sara and paul discovery.. (that almost ended us AGAIN) I guess, maybe its okay, that I am going to some therapist on Jan 4th.. (pretty sure it won't work) A few (new) myspace peps who also let me down on friendship (Lovely Princess Emily) whatever. Anyway a new lady named Tina. asked if Paul had "sexual issues with young girls" she pointed out that i looked around 15. I said.. don't know... if i hadn't come into the picture.. maybe sara would be living here and not me.



Okay.. I am hurt.. really hurt. i used to celebrate holidays at neelys while mom was dying. one of the last pictures I have of me and her is on christmas. I had some surgical tape wrapped around my two fingers, because i had honestly tryed to break them.



Well, guess i'll just write what i meant to write. WE went to Grace Cathedrals Men and Boys Christmas Concert again this year on the 15th. It was mostly the same.. except all of the music was american in origin (which was cool) they sang "Lo how a rose er blooming" my moms favorite christmas song. (ouch) I just didn't care much this year, the church was lovely as usual, but i felt no closeness to God, I felt only let down.














 

so, Last but not Least!!! My MOVIE.. god, it took me one hell of a time to get this stupid boring movie to work, there is only one cool part and thats when I say "Ouch" well i don't say it but i should have..
Anyway, after this concert we went down to Height/Ashbury cause i wanted to switch where my lip piercing was, we found a new place I guess called Braindrops.. i think.. Anyway, so this is the movie of that.
Lord, let me tell you, no matter how hurt I have been these last few weeks (and tonight) with neely's profile, i guess it was a miracle we got out at all here on the 15th..
Cause, it has finally snowed up in the mountains... and during the SEVERE fight we had over sara's little material he put me down by saying,

" Well, you are so damn sick that when we get there and put all our gear on by then you just are to tired and i

would like to go skiing once where i don't have to stop after we go down two hills"

It was something to that effect.. okay try for the movie.. Yeah.

SORRY THE MOVIE IS ON THE TOP ENTRY!!! DAMN POSTING JUNK

location: should be in bed.

mood: bitchy

music: something

So as usual its 5 am and i can't sleep.. duh.. wow, i just had to go and do it didnt I. Yep, seeing Hollen's page on myspace was beyond infuriating, so I thought how bought look for good ol Neely... And wow, I found her.... http://www.myspace.com/neelinator Oh god, that is such a catchy name.. (rolls eyes) so, i sent her a little note just to say hi.. honestly, it wasn't mean. But, i swear it does hurt. At least she is still single (god i wonder if she is still a virgin) or was she. don't remember.. she's 31! (YO! chris, if i ever hear from U again.. U two could work) Her mom is still alive, looks like she still doesn't work (she never has in her life) cause she diabetes.. Lets see i guess we were friends oh man maybe 3 or 4 years... The skank came to my mom's funeral. sat there in the pew just crying, while i basically glared at her. (cute crocodile tears)



Man, it has been a time for hurt feelings these past few weeks, yeah, i still burn the way they treated me on the depression board, i don't like to admit it but i do. And the nice little sara and paul discovery.. (that almost ended us AGAIN) I guess, maybe its okay, that I am going to some therapist on Jan 4th.. (pretty sure it won't work) A few (new) myspace peps who also let me down on friendship (Lovely Princess Emily) whatever. Anyway a new lady named Tina. asked if Paul had "sexual issues with young girls" she pointed out that i looked around 15. I said.. don't know... if i hadn't come into the picture.. maybe sara would be living here and not me.



Okay.. I am hurt.. really hurt. i used to celebrate holidays at neelys while mom was dying. one of the last pictures I have of me and her is on christmas. I had some surgical tape wrapped around my two fingers, because i had honestly tryed to break them.



Well, guess i'll just write what i meant to write. WE went to Grace Cathedrals Men and Boys Christmas Concert again this year on the 15th. It was mostly the same.. except all of the music was american in origin (which was cool) they sang "Lo how a rose er blooming" my moms favorite christmas song. (ouch) I just didn't care much this year, the church was lovely as usual, but i felt no closeness to God, I felt only let down.














 

so, Last but not Least!!! My MOVIE.. god, it took me one hell of a time to get this stupid boring movie to work, there is only one cool part and thats when I say "Ouch" well i don't say it but i should have..
Anyway, after this concert we went down to Height/Ashbury cause i wanted to switch where my lip piercing was, we found a new place I guess called Braindrops.. i think.. Anyway, so this is the movie of that.
Lord, let me tell you, no matter how hurt I have been these last few weeks (and tonight) with neely's profile, i guess it was a miracle we got out at all here on the 15th..
Cause, it has finally snowed up in the mountains... and during the SEVERE fight we had over sara's little material he put me down by saying,

" Well, you are so damn sick that when we get there and put all our gear on by then you just are to tired and i

would like to go skiing once where i don't have to stop after we go down two hills"

It was something to that effect.. okay try for the movie.. Yeah.

SORRY THE MOVIE IS ON THE TOP ENTRY!!! DAMN POSTING JUNK

New Nose Ring and I am sooo Tired.. 2006

New Nose Ring and I am sooo Tired..

mood: tired

music: NONE

Well, I got POKED down at Zebra's again last night. Here is their site if anyone wants to look www.mrzebra.com.
I have an aftercare sheet of theirs which is sorta cool.
It says on the back:

"Your body is a temple. Do you want your temple to have plain,boring walls or do you want to make them really beautiful."
this quote is from some guy called Rev. Mad Jack.

OKay, there are also rules on the back which every piercer is to follow.. This fool who Poked my nose was the worst I have EVER had in my seven year history of doing this. The manager of Zebra regonized Paul and I because Around August I came in for an ENTIRE facial piercing makeover which cost Paul somewhat around 300 dollars, i think. So, i would really like to call the manager and complain about this guy.

It was bad (the piercing experience in itself); however I went into a sort of shock last night after the piercing and physical therapy. I went and smoked one cigarrette and all of a sudden the room was spinnng, I could not move, I started to hyperventalte and i had to lay down on the floor.

TWO KEY RULES on the back of the brochure that this guy did not do were to

: Hell, nevermind he didn't do any of the damn rules. He didn't wash the area first with antibacterial soap, nor did he put ointment on the piercing after it was done.

ALso, just out of common fucking courtesy EVERY OTHER PIERCER I HAVE HAD IN SEVEN YEARS tells you when to anticipate the needle and to take a deep breath while the needle goes in and then to breath out.

This guy just was irritated that I even asked about the position of the ring, he gave me no warning, just POKED me, and i think that helped my body go into sorta "shock" last night

I don't know the creep's name but just for the safety of others he needs a big reality check on how to do his job.. DAMN!!!!

So, besides that my V-day is just going great.. The dog shat in the house first of all, it stinks!

Second, i haven't gotten Paul anything and its 3 in the afternoon.

Third, I AM SOOOO DAMN TIRED I AM STARTING TO CRY. I only slept a few hours last night and i can't get back to sleep. Its too damn hot, and I am too damn hyper inside. God, i feel terrible.

Quite the change from the hotel and flowers and romantic bath and diamond necklace from last year's valentines day.

ALso, I regret like hell trying to contact my friend (whatever) the hell she was, Debi Kilb. Paul found her e-mail because she is a Ph.d now and has published a lot of papers online. I thought, "oh maybe she would have matured in 6 0r 7 years. We parted ways back when i was 23 and she was something like 35. But it is obvious she is still the betrayer she always was. I am really really hurt.

BUt, whatever I cannot even use all my fingers and toes to name all the people who have hurt me, BUT DAMN DEBI is right up there with number one. She abandoned me when I was in the hospital and so was my mom. She doesn't give a rats ass that my mom died or that i graduated college and education is her only purpose in life. I thought it was a good e-mail. Not too reavealing, not pushy, just telling her where i had been in a vague sense in the past 6 years.

Well, i will really think twice next time before i try to contact an old "friend" Sometimes, years still do not mature people.

Okay well, whatever i feel terrible
bye bye

UPDATE: VALENTINES IS OVER! I GOT WHAT I WANTED. THE MOVIE SAW 2 and a LOVELY knife from the new hobby shop down the street, but no romance. not the way i feel. I am crawling out of my skin and i took 12 mg of clonopin to try and help but it didn't.
I did make it to Walgreens to buy Paul a card and some other REAL corny stuff,
but mostly things have just been VERY BAD.

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mood: tired

music: NONE

Well, I got POKED down at Zebra's again last night. Here is their site if anyone wants to look www.mrzebra.com.
I have an aftercare sheet of theirs which is sorta cool.
It says on the back:

"Your body is a temple. Do you want your temple to have plain,boring walls or do you want to make them really beautiful."
this quote is from some guy called Rev. Mad Jack.

OKay, there are also rules on the back which every piercer is to follow.. This fool who Poked my nose was the worst I have EVER had in my seven year history of doing this. The manager of Zebra regonized Paul and I because Around August I came in for an ENTIRE facial piercing makeover which cost Paul somewhat around 300 dollars, i think. So, i would really like to call the manager and complain about this guy.

It was bad (the piercing experience in itself); however I went into a sort of shock last night after the piercing and physical therapy. I went and smoked one cigarrette and all of a sudden the room was spinnng, I could not move, I started to hyperventalte and i had to lay down on the floor.

TWO KEY RULES on the back of the brochure that this guy did not do were to

: Hell, nevermind he didn't do any of the damn rules. He didn't wash the area first with antibacterial soap, nor did he put ointment on the piercing after it was done.

ALso, just out of common fucking courtesy EVERY OTHER PIERCER I HAVE HAD IN SEVEN YEARS tells you when to anticipate the needle and to take a deep breath while the needle goes in and then to breath out.

This guy just was irritated that I even asked about the position of the ring, he gave me no warning, just POKED me, and i think that helped my body go into sorta "shock" last night

I don't know the creep's name but just for the safety of others he needs a big reality check on how to do his job.. DAMN!!!!

So, besides that my V-day is just going great.. The dog shat in the house first of all, it stinks!

Second, i haven't gotten Paul anything and its 3 in the afternoon.

Third, I AM SOOOO DAMN TIRED I AM STARTING TO CRY. I only slept a few hours last night and i can't get back to sleep. Its too damn hot, and I am too damn hyper inside. God, i feel terrible.

Quite the change from the hotel and flowers and romantic bath and diamond necklace from last year's valentines day.

ALso, I regret like hell trying to contact my friend (whatever) the hell she was, Debi Kilb. Paul found her e-mail because she is a Ph.d now and has published a lot of papers online. I thought, "oh maybe she would have matured in 6 0r 7 years. We parted ways back when i was 23 and she was something like 35. But it is obvious she is still the betrayer she always was. I am really really hurt.

BUt, whatever I cannot even use all my fingers and toes to name all the people who have hurt me, BUT DAMN DEBI is right up there with number one. She abandoned me when I was in the hospital and so was my mom. She doesn't give a rats ass that my mom died or that i graduated college and education is her only purpose in life. I thought it was a good e-mail. Not too reavealing, not pushy, just telling her where i had been in a vague sense in the past 6 years.

Well, i will really think twice next time before i try to contact an old "friend" Sometimes, years still do not mature people.

Okay well, whatever i feel terrible
bye bye

UPDATE: VALENTINES IS OVER! I GOT WHAT I WANTED. THE MOVIE SAW 2 and a LOVELY knife from the new hobby shop down the street, but no romance. not the way i feel. I am crawling out of my skin and i took 12 mg of clonopin to try and help but it didn't.
I did make it to Walgreens to buy Paul a card and some other REAL corny stuff,
but mostly things have just been VERY BAD.

Redoing my large kanji tattoo.. Cool post!

Bloodbath and Tornados

I was really excited about putting these new tattoo photos in here. But I waited for a while and now I don't really care as much. I got my tattoo filled in on November 26. WE went down to Mom's. I want to give whoever reads this a link to Mom's studio. In case, anyone is ever in the Bay Area and wants to check it out. http://www.momsbodyshop.com/ There prices are relatively resonable for a shop in the bay area. ANd my tattoo artist, Alias "Joe Vegas" has been working for 20 years on his art. He is worth EVERY PENNY!! If you go make sure to ask for JOE..



FIRST OF ALL, THESE ARE MY PIERCINGS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY ARE CALLED. I GUESS VERTICAL CHEEKS aBOVE!

)

"The great JOE Vegas beginning his work. CHECK THIS OUT! I had an appointment scheduled for 11-25, but he went to vegas to get married. So I said, "when will he be back?" and they said, "tomorrow" So i guess he didn't have much of a honeymoon.-LOL"





"I was thirsty so we went next door to a little convience store for the tea. As i say in Suicide Girls, "I can't live without diet snapple tea" Anyway, the store was NAPPY. So, we come back into the studio and Joe says,"this is the ghetto darlin" I say, "yeah right, ever been to memphis?"




"In this photo all the black ink has been completed. Look closely at each character. The bottom one is mostly all black, however in the next two characters the black rises until it gets thinner and thinner. It is following a specfic line. This is the "Tornado" copyed from my "storm chaser" book."




"Here is what I look like right now! 12-3-05. I was trying so hard not to show signs of pain. It doesn't matter who you are. In a tattoo parlour, pain is weakness. The two holes are from the lip rings I just took out" The piercings in my cheeks were only a couple of days old right here. Also, from this photo it is easy to see how yellow my skin is. This is from my morphine"




"I am taking a little break while the ink gets changed. Behind me is a custom design. I believe it is the Virgin mary or more likely Our lady of Guadalupe. Custom designs are really important. This means that you will have a tattoo unlike any other person on earth. However, FLASH designs that you see hanging in the palour are not unique. Many people could have the same design. So thats why you need to ask your artist to "customize a flash design

"





"My artists many many Tattoos. Also, you can see my head on my shoulder. My body is rigid. I am trying to stand the pain"




"This is BLOODBATH work! Every needle that went in, more blood came out! This is my first tattoo that bleed so much. I was really nervous about that. Here the "tornado is finished as well as the "storm" on the bottom. He is beginning the sunrise on the top characters."






"This is just cute" Aren't I adorable when I am in mind numbing pain"?






"Great photo of the needles and the yellow ink, which will complete the "sunrise" effect"




"it is finally over, Bandaged, shipped and ready to go! That will be 150 bucks! Not to bad a price. When you get a tattoo depending on where you go, the artist will put what is called "tattoo goo" on the finished piece. It feels a bit like vaseline. Then he/she will put a simple bandage of a paper towel and some medical tape. After 2 to 4 hours you are to take the bandage off and let the tattoo breath. I am keeping my "bandage" it is a bloody kanji symbol! Very cool!."





This is the end result as seen on the top. Care of a new tattoo requires that for two weeks it is washed with antibacterial soap or you can use "tattoo goo" but that is more expensive. Then apply a thin layer of cocoa butter lotion. In about a week, the tattoo will start to flake off and itch. This means that it is healing so don't scratch it, just apply more lotion."

I'm not sure how this web page will look, however for a lot of pain and an extra 150 dollars I finally got the piece of art that I wanted so desperatly. I did not get that when I received the original back in August.

(I would always pick an artist with more than 10 years experience because the artist back in Memphis who did the original only had 7 years experience and he really messed the job up. I was VERY HURT And disappointed!)

So the original which cost over 300 dollars and means "empty soul" in japanese, is now customized to represent my entire life. In photograph number 4 you can clearly see the black ink which I mentioned before is from a photo of a real tornado. THe sunrise colors on the top two characters also have a little bit of black in them. This is not only to complete the "tornado" but it is for representative purposes also.

The entire piece is "my life" as I see it. From top to bottom, From infancy to almost 30. In the beginning things were simple, beautiful and full of childlike joy. However, on the right is a small amount of black. (the demon who began to creep in even when I was a child) As the sunset dims (my joy, my happiness) the black gets stronger. The Storm of adulthood has come. (depression, death, suicide, hurt, pain, guilt, blood, fear) THis not only represnts (when I lost my innocense) I would say 8 or 10 years old, but the future darkness of my life that I know will come.

(DAMN THAT TOOK FOREVER)!!! CHRIS I REDID IT!! RIGHT THIS SECOND PAUL TRYED TO TURN OFF THE WATER TO REPLACE THE LEAKY VALVES AND HE's GOT WATER LEAKING EVERYWHERE--HA HA. AND I AM NOT HELPING. I AM RE WRITTING THIS) MEn! They think they are hardware genuises!

PEACE!!!!!!!

free website counters

I was really excited about putting these new tattoo photos in here. But I waited for a while and now I don't really care as much. I got my tattoo filled in on November 26. WE went down to Mom's. I want to give whoever reads this a link to Mom's studio. In case, anyone is ever in the Bay Area and wants to check it out. http://www.momsbodyshop.com/ There prices are relatively resonable for a shop in the bay area. ANd my tattoo artist, Alias "Joe Vegas" has been working for 20 years on his art. He is worth EVERY PENNY!! If you go make sure to ask for JOE..



FIRST OF ALL, THESE ARE MY PIERCINGS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY ARE CALLED. I GUESS VERTICAL CHEEKS aBOVE!

)

"The great JOE Vegas beginning his work. CHECK THIS OUT! I had an appointment scheduled for 11-25, but he went to vegas to get married. So I said, "when will he be back?" and they said, "tomorrow" So i guess he didn't have much of a honeymoon.-LOL"





"I was thirsty so we went next door to a little convience store for the tea. As i say in Suicide Girls, "I can't live without diet snapple tea" Anyway, the store was NAPPY. So, we come back into the studio and Joe says,"this is the ghetto darlin" I say, "yeah right, ever been to memphis?"




"In this photo all the black ink has been completed. Look closely at each character. The bottom one is mostly all black, however in the next two characters the black rises until it gets thinner and thinner. It is following a specfic line. This is the "Tornado" copyed from my "storm chaser" book."




"Here is what I look like right now! 12-3-05. I was trying so hard not to show signs of pain. It doesn't matter who you are. In a tattoo parlour, pain is weakness. The two holes are from the lip rings I just took out" The piercings in my cheeks were only a couple of days old right here. Also, from this photo it is easy to see how yellow my skin is. This is from my morphine"




"I am taking a little break while the ink gets changed. Behind me is a custom design. I believe it is the Virgin mary or more likely Our lady of Guadalupe. Custom designs are really important. This means that you will have a tattoo unlike any other person on earth. However, FLASH designs that you see hanging in the palour are not unique. Many people could have the same design. So thats why you need to ask your artist to "customize a flash design

"





"My artists many many Tattoos. Also, you can see my head on my shoulder. My body is rigid. I am trying to stand the pain"




"This is BLOODBATH work! Every needle that went in, more blood came out! This is my first tattoo that bleed so much. I was really nervous about that. Here the "tornado is finished as well as the "storm" on the bottom. He is beginning the sunrise on the top characters."






"This is just cute" Aren't I adorable when I am in mind numbing pain"?






"Great photo of the needles and the yellow ink, which will complete the "sunrise" effect"




"it is finally over, Bandaged, shipped and ready to go! That will be 150 bucks! Not to bad a price. When you get a tattoo depending on where you go, the artist will put what is called "tattoo goo" on the finished piece. It feels a bit like vaseline. Then he/she will put a simple bandage of a paper towel and some medical tape. After 2 to 4 hours you are to take the bandage off and let the tattoo breath. I am keeping my "bandage" it is a bloody kanji symbol! Very cool!."





This is the end result as seen on the top. Care of a new tattoo requires that for two weeks it is washed with antibacterial soap or you can use "tattoo goo" but that is more expensive. Then apply a thin layer of cocoa butter lotion. In about a week, the tattoo will start to flake off and itch. This means that it is healing so don't scratch it, just apply more lotion."

I'm not sure how this web page will look, however for a lot of pain and an extra 150 dollars I finally got the piece of art that I wanted so desperatly. I did not get that when I received the original back in August.

(I would always pick an artist with more than 10 years experience because the artist back in Memphis who did the original only had 7 years experience and he really messed the job up. I was VERY HURT And disappointed!)

So the original which cost over 300 dollars and means "empty soul" in japanese, is now customized to represent my entire life. In photograph number 4 you can clearly see the black ink which I mentioned before is from a photo of a real tornado. THe sunrise colors on the top two characters also have a little bit of black in them. This is not only to complete the "tornado" but it is for representative purposes also.

The entire piece is "my life" as I see it. From top to bottom, From infancy to almost 30. In the beginning things were simple, beautiful and full of childlike joy. However, on the right is a small amount of black. (the demon who began to creep in even when I was a child) As the sunset dims (my joy, my happiness) the black gets stronger. The Storm of adulthood has come. (depression, death, suicide, hurt, pain, guilt, blood, fear) THis not only represnts (when I lost my innocense) I would say 8 or 10 years old, but the future darkness of my life that I know will come.

(DAMN THAT TOOK FOREVER)!!! CHRIS I REDID IT!! RIGHT THIS SECOND PAUL TRYED TO TURN OFF THE WATER TO REPLACE THE LEAKY VALVES AND HE's GOT WATER LEAKING EVERYWHERE--HA HA. AND I AM NOT HELPING. I AM RE WRITTING THIS) MEn! They think they are hardware genuises!

PEACE!!!!!!!

My 7th tattoo, sept 05

The 145 dollar Olive!!

  I purchased my 7th tattoo yesterday! Here it is, pretty much right after it was done, and i took the bandage off. You can see the blood and the ink sorta mixed together.. But the photo isn't too good. My newest piece of expenisve artwork is on my left arm muscle. I wanted something else, but we went to a tattoo shop called "mom''s on Height and Masonic. We had actually never been up that way before. Its a real trendy, sorta skanky part of San Francisco It has all kinds of off beat clothing stores, plus a lot of homeless kids, plus a lot of tattoo places. kinda like Berkley. My tattoo artist was named "Joe vegas"  He had two gold teeth (damn) white guy who had been tattooing for 20 years! So, I guess thats why my new "olive" was 145 bucks! When the same size tattoo on my back that I got in Memphis was only 90. 

This tattoo is not supposted to be an olive. I just looked at the red part and it sorta resembled one! God, i hope thats not true. Its supposted to be a flaming half moon with a red sun in the middle. This was a luxury that i could not afford! I mean REALLY could not afford, so i don't even know how i am going to pay for it!

Anyway, i just got back from the pain doctor and i about had one wreck, i am so tired i am a danger on the road, because i have been missing morphine for three days. I am starting to develop withdrawal symptoms, exhastion, the sniffles, a slight headache,,, Well, i have some coming at seven which i risked my neck for!

Anyway, thats my new tattoo

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  I purchased my 7th tattoo yesterday! Here it is, pretty much right after it was done, and i took the bandage off. You can see the blood and the ink sorta mixed together.. But the photo isn't too good. My newest piece of expenisve artwork is on my left arm muscle. I wanted something else, but we went to a tattoo shop called "mom''s on Height and Masonic. We had actually never been up that way before. Its a real trendy, sorta skanky part of San Francisco It has all kinds of off beat clothing stores, plus a lot of homeless kids, plus a lot of tattoo places. kinda like Berkley. My tattoo artist was named "Joe vegas"  He had two gold teeth (damn) white guy who had been tattooing for 20 years! So, I guess thats why my new "olive" was 145 bucks! When the same size tattoo on my back that I got in Memphis was only 90. 

This tattoo is not supposted to be an olive. I just looked at the red part and it sorta resembled one! God, i hope thats not true. Its supposted to be a flaming half moon with a red sun in the middle. This was a luxury that i could not afford! I mean REALLY could not afford, so i don't even know how i am going to pay for it!

Anyway, i just got back from the pain doctor and i about had one wreck, i am so tired i am a danger on the road, because i have been missing morphine for three days. I am starting to develop withdrawal symptoms, exhastion, the sniffles, a slight headache,,, Well, i have some coming at seven which i risked my neck for!

Anyway, thats my new tattoo

My first self Piercing.. And b-day-jul 21, 05

 

SHit don't anyone care about my b-day, well to that i say, FUCK YOU ALL.  I'm about to write my porn story up in here!  Yeah theres a needle through my lip... Like anyone gives a shit about that either.. THis is my first self-piercing.. I was bored.. My boyfriend was at the computer ignoring me, and I had been watching TV for hours while he played on the computer (Hmm i just thought i might get more attention) It bein a special day and all but whatever.. So the Twelve gauge hole that had had been healed for about a month, I just stuck this sewing needle In it. and it went right through,, like a knife through hot butter,, Only bleed a tiny bit,, and I just put a raggidy ol ring there cause i didn't have anything else. 

Well, then Paul dropped everything, and about made poop in his underwear, he started to pay attention to me after i self pierced.. NO  ice, no anything...   I do amaze some with my high tolerance of pain for facial piecings, but I reckon thats all i'm good for.. Next we went to BME, the Body mod site, where I have a membership to look at the really nasty stuff.. I told him what I did was nothin... But i couldn't remember my password, but we saw the top page,, Never heard of some of that,, there was a guy with half his nail cut off and blood everywhere.. I think this is called "nailing" hah hah hah...  So, they do some nasty shit, in the EXTENE AREA of BME. So i guess i'm just another loser.

Well, at least tomorrow, i FINALLY get to see the new ROB ZOMBIE MOVIE! YEAH!!! That will make my pre-birthday night somewhat happy. I have been looking forward to it FOREVER.. I think it might be the sequel to HOUSE OF 1000 CORPES, because i saw a lot of the same characters in the preview.. I saw Captian Spalding and Baby... So, i don't know,, Probably have a paniac attack, instead of LOVE IT!! Shit i got my ZOMBIE shirt ready to go! I got Two of his CD'S 

But i am feeling REAL unstable and when i first got here in OCtober of 2003 we went to see The remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.. I LOVE HORROR MOVIES, thats about all i can fucking stand.. But i freaked at this one for some reason..  I got out of the theater, and I had no idea where i was, I SWEAR, Paul had to pull over because I was losing it, I really could see coffins coming after me, and my dead mother and corpes, and i was screaming and it was horrible. I guess a hallucenation...  Whatever..

Last, night we went to the grocery store in pauls rent a car, this was pretty fun.. It is a Kia, that is made up to look like my rich ass friends Alisons mercedes... Pretty cheap... But its a cool car.. It has a sun roof, and I rode with my head stuck out of it for a long ways, then I flashed some people with my head stuck out of it, for a long ways!  Then we went in safeway, and we both were in heaven over the idea of all these fancy birthday cakes, and being able to eat whatever we wanted over the next few days.. This safeway, is one of those fancy ass california grocery stores, so they have every cake imaginable.. we spent like a couple of hours, just admiring what we could eat,, NO SHIT,,,  I said life is so much better when you can eat whatever you want to... So my cake is probably coming from there. Then i got tired and started to feel like shit again, so i got quiet and boring..

Until I re-pierced my lip... I know noone reads this or gives a shit... SO IN THAT CASE I CAN PUT UP MY PORNO STORY!! COOL!!

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california vertical labret..

Silver Suicide Number 9, Vertical

OUCH!!!!!

YES, ITS REALLY SWOLLEN

No more lip ring or Regular Labret!

As, i mentioned I am doing a "piercing Makeover" I decided to get started early with this 12 gauge Vertical Labret. It is I guess "Hip" compared to what i had.  It was extremely painful because usually piercings start out at a 16 gauge or a 14 gauge. The lower the number the bigger the piercing is. Then you stretch the piercing out. But i started with a 12. I feel like a freak, but thats okay.. I'll just have to get used to it.. 

I loved it, until i got home and i met the most rude guy i have ever met on the internet. I am going to put down his entire message session in the next entry. The guy is anti-gay, anti-jew, anti-black, anti-mexican. He attacked me because he thought I looked like a transexual or a man.  He said I should stop with the "pathetic attempt at individuality" not before calling me a delusional cunt, and several other psycotic things. This persons yahoo Id is ryan_laz2003.

When i run into people like this on the net, it makes me paniac, have paniac attacks, makes me afraid of the world. I am already terrified that there are no more nice people left anwhere, and that when i die I will be buried in a hefty bag, My uncle on my mom's side is still pending a lawsuit against me (MY MOM's BROTHER) for $7,000. He wants his money for my mom's funeral.. (and this is one of the closest relatives i have) 

So, now my body is in shock from the piercing and I am so afraid of people and their hatred.  I hope that when i post the conversation that it will shock whoever wants to read it. Its horrible against any group that isn't white and straight and completly normal looking..

So, that took the pleasure away from my new "individuality"

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OUCH!!!!!

YES, ITS REALLY SWOLLEN

No more lip ring or Regular Labret!

As, i mentioned I am doing a "piercing Makeover" I decided to get started early with this 12 gauge Vertical Labret. It is I guess "Hip" compared to what i had.  It was extremely painful because usually piercings start out at a 16 gauge or a 14 gauge. The lower the number the bigger the piercing is. Then you stretch the piercing out. But i started with a 12. I feel like a freak, but thats okay.. I'll just have to get used to it.. 

I loved it, until i got home and i met the most rude guy i have ever met on the internet. I am going to put down his entire message session in the next entry. The guy is anti-gay, anti-jew, anti-black, anti-mexican. He attacked me because he thought I looked like a transexual or a man.  He said I should stop with the "pathetic attempt at individuality" not before calling me a delusional cunt, and several other psycotic things. This persons yahoo Id is ryan_laz2003.

When i run into people like this on the net, it makes me paniac, have paniac attacks, makes me afraid of the world. I am already terrified that there are no more nice people left anwhere, and that when i die I will be buried in a hefty bag, My uncle on my mom's side is still pending a lawsuit against me (MY MOM's BROTHER) for $7,000. He wants his money for my mom's funeral.. (and this is one of the closest relatives i have) 

So, now my body is in shock from the piercing and I am so afraid of people and their hatred.  I hope that when i post the conversation that it will shock whoever wants to read it. Its horrible against any group that isn't white and straight and completly normal looking..

So, that took the pleasure away from my new "individuality"

California tragus, June 19, 2005

Silver Suicide Number Eight

mood: sleepy

music: Just quiet

It is five in the morning and my sleeping patterns are just OUT OF CONTROL. I was sad that Paul and me weren't able to make it to a club in San Francisco tonight, so to ease my boredem, I took 40mg of Oxycontin as well as my regualar 60mg of Morphine which I took earlier in the day. Yes, I am a druggy!

But the point of this entry, is that I got My "eighth piercing earlier today. I have a diagram here of all the different types of ear piercings you can get.

Today I got what is called a "Tragus". Hurt like hell, This guy named Russel In Antioch, did it for only 35, which is a surprise because he wanted 70 for my belly button ring, and i "said hell no" so I went to Berkely and had that done. It bleed pretty bad, and I was surprised.  In the past, I have had an "industrial strength rod" The large piercing at the top,, I have also had, an orbital, which is not on the diagram, but its good i found a diagram, its for my education as well as anyone else who is interested in ear modification.  I, of course have my lobes pierced, and i am hoping to start streching them out soon so i can get plug.. The industrial and the orbital,, just did not heal up for me so I had to take them out. I hope i have better luck with this one.

So, here is a picture, right after I got it done. If you look closely you can still see the scar from the orbital

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p>

mood: sleepy

music: Just quiet

It is five in the morning and my sleeping patterns are just OUT OF CONTROL. I was sad that Paul and me weren't able to make it to a club in San Francisco tonight, so to ease my boredem, I took 40mg of Oxycontin as well as my regualar 60mg of Morphine which I took earlier in the day. Yes, I am a druggy!

But the point of this entry, is that I got My "eighth piercing earlier today. I have a diagram here of all the different types of ear piercings you can get.

Today I got what is called a "Tragus". Hurt like hell, This guy named Russel In Antioch, did it for only 35, which is a surprise because he wanted 70 for my belly button ring, and i "said hell no" so I went to Berkely and had that done. It bleed pretty bad, and I was surprised.  In the past, I have had an "industrial strength rod" The large piercing at the top,, I have also had, an orbital, which is not on the diagram, but its good i found a diagram, its for my education as well as anyone else who is interested in ear modification.  I, of course have my lobes pierced, and i am hoping to start streching them out soon so i can get plug.. The industrial and the orbital,, just did not heal up for me so I had to take them out. I hope i have better luck with this one.

So, here is a picture, right after I got it done. If you look closely you can still see the scar from the orbital

My fourth Tattoo--jan, 29, 2005

I AM BACK!! THERE BACK, AND I HAVE A NEW TATTOO

mo

music: not telling why, im mad

This entry is for people other than chris, because chris already knows i am back and i have a new tattoo. But, I have a new tattoo. It cost me 90 bucks, got it done at home, trilogy, tattoos and body piercing on highland in Memphis, TN (in the house) This is my fourth tattoo. This one means absolutely nothing. The other three are highly meaningful, but im not telling what they mean (smile) Just that they are one red japanese character on my left ankle, one black japanese character on my right ankle, and a bible verse is tattooed in red on my wrist.
This new tattoo is on my left shoulder on my back so it is kinda sexy (smile) a tribal flower, black tribal design with bright pink and blue. People will only be able to see it in the summer when i can where sleeveless shirts (which kinda blows) but i think its hella sexy. And hey thats all that matters, U KNOW..

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This entry is for people other than chris, because chris already knows i am back and i have a new tattoo. But, I have a new tattoo. It cost me 90 bucks, got it done at home, trilogy, tattoos and body piercing on highland in Memphis, TN (in the house) This is my fourth tattoo. This one means absolutely nothing. The other three are highly meaningful, but im not telling what they mean (smile) Just that they are one red japanese character on my left ankle, one black japanese character on my right ankle, and a bible verse is tattooed in red on my wrist.
This new tattoo is on my left shoulder on my back so it is kinda sexy (smile) a tribal flower, black tribal design with bright pink and blue. People will only be able to see it in the summer when i can where sleeveless shirts (which kinda blows) but i think its hella sexy. And hey thats all that matters, U KNOW..