this is not what i wanted to post. i have a fucking video of my very first dermal punch and thats what i wanted to post.
this is just the first black eye that ive ever gotten from an eyebrow piercing and ive been doing this for eleven years. its black cause it was such a huge gauge. as soon as God stops punishing me with lightning bolts and well migranes that are debilitated. headaches everyday. there is no break. anxiety attacks every day and there is no break.
my life is in ruins at the moment. But God isnt gonna stop me from being a total bald headed freak. i just have to be patient and let the headaches pass. i dont know its all a nightmare.
i know people only get on here because of the naked pic i have. except for my one fan paul.. thank you paul!
ive always pierced because my mom died. the physical pain helped the emotional pain, and cause i need the attention. im a sack of shit without the piercings.
i sit and watch mel gibsons the passion of the christ on a little portable dvd player that i bought when paul-my ex boyfriend and I went to a haunted hotel to ghost hunt. they didnt have a tv so i went to wal-mart to buy it. i sit with it on my lap and cry and ask why god is punishing me so.
sometimes i feel like jesus got what he deserved when i see him being whipped and the really gross part where his skin comes off. jesus only had to suffer that once. i bet he never had bad teeth. which i have. i might lose my two front teeth and im finding out about that this week. i bet jesus never had a headache or a paniac attack or his heart racing in his entire 33 years. jesus had a full life. he wasnt sitting in bed watching sanford and son every fucking day. he didnt have two trees fall on his house and it cost 2 grand to fix. he didnt feel nausated every night and he had a mother too.
and why as stupid as it sounds and as many times as ive said it does my sacrifices of pain do they not work to bring my mother back. yeah i know that sounds crazy but i was a cutter and a hitter and i spilled gallons of blood for her. and not but only once has she come in a dream to me. in eleven years. im sick and i am her child and i need her.
i got an evp at the hotel of what is very possible my dad. who could maybe be an earthbound spirit, maybe i can just delude myself enough to think that he loved me enough to stay around. the evp said i miss you poo poo.. very weird cause poo poo was my nickname when i was a child. it was very clear, so i dont know.
and another thing i have to say for the facebook people. im not gonna trash you even though i want to, but i realize that the piercing video of my dermal punch which i put up there makes no difference to you and i make no difference to you. but just to let you know i have been cursed by God and am deathly ill. piercing is all i have and if you dont pay attention to it than yeah fuck you. other people have their kids. other people have all kinds of things, but i dont. and it hurts the fuck out of me that nobody cares about the pain i do to myself. it still hurts though, you know and its done for a reason.
well i better save this before my computer fucks up.. this isnt all i had to say. no i have something else to say, somebody just broke my heart and i dont think they ment to, but it hurts bad. makes me wanna hurt myself almost. like i said i posted my dermal punch video to facebook. and a guy ive been talking to just put a comment on it. he said,"i doesnt look like it was at bad as i thought it would be" that is devestating. so that means the pain i go through is for no reason. it was discusting. there was a piece of skin pulled out of it for gods sake. i feel like ive just been punched in the stomach. its three am and i cant go to bed. is it only one guys opinion? or is it that really how it is. not that bad. i need it to be bad. i need it to be disgusting. for my mom, for shock value, for attention. i dont think much could hurt worse than this. if someone would just say its discustiing, its shocking, its painful. please let it just be the opinion of one guy. please let it be gross and shocking. ow, i cant take this
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